The Lame Old Man and the Blind Old Woman

This rather amusing musical anecdote was collected by Calum Maclean from John MacDonald of Highbridge on the 8th of March 1951:

 

Bha bodach crùbach a’ fuireach thall ann an Sròn na Bà. Bha e a’ falbh air bataichean agus bha tè dhall ann an sin na coimhearsnach.

 

“Smaointich mi,” thuirt i, “gur tu a bha a’ tighinn le do bhataichean agus ceum agus leth-cheum agad.”

 

“O, cha ruig thu a leas a bhith a’ dèanadh tàir orm-sa, ged a tha mi crùbach.”

 

“O, cha ruig. Tha port glè laghach a’ dol, thuirt i:

 

An gille crùbach as a’ ghleann,
Till a-nall na caoraich uile,
An gille crùbach as a’ ghleann,
Till a-nall na caoraich.

 

Ged tha thu crùbach, tha thu cam,
’S iomadh tè tha an geall air t’ fhaighinn.
Ged tha thu crùbach, tha thu cam,
Is iomadh tè tha an geall ort.

 

“O, sguiridh tu dhe do phuirt,” thuirt e. “Tha port eile ann agus tha e glè laghach cuideachd, a Mhàiri”: 

 

Thug mi trì turasan gu dol air mullach Màiri,
Thug mi trì turasan gu dol air mullach Màiri,
Thug mi trì turasan gu dol air mullach Màiri,
Is turas do na turasan gun d’fhuirich mi air Màiri!

 

“Uist, na bi a’ bruidheann mar sin. Gabh do rathad is na bi a’ teileabanachd na a’ toirt domh-sa do dhroch theanga. Latha math leat.” 

 

Is dh’fhalbh i a-staigh.

 

And the translation goes something like the following:

 

An old lame man stayed over at Stronaba and one of his neighbours was a blind old woman.

She said: “I knew it was you coming by the step and half-step of your walking sticks.”

He said: “There's no need to insult me even though I’m lame.”

She replied: “No, there is a fine tune that goes with these words.”

 

The lame lad in the glen

Come over with all the sheep,

The lame lad in the glen,

Come over with the sheep.

 

Although you are lame and squint-eyed

Many a woman wanted to have you

Although you are lame and crooked

Many a woman are pledged to you.

 

He said: “Stop singing the tune. There’s another song which is very fine, Mary.”

 

Three times I went on top of Mary,

Three times I went on top of Mary

Three times I went on top of Mary

And one of the times I stayed on top of Mary!

 

“Wheest, don’t talk like that. Away with you and your impertinence and don’t give me any more lip. Good day to you.”

 

And she went indoors.

 

The first tune are the words to ‘Gille Crùbach as a’ Ghleann’, sometimes ‘Calum Crùbach as a’ Ghleann’ and was sung to the strathspey ‘Miss (Sarah) Drummond of Perth’. Andrew Mackintosh in a contribution to the Transactions of the Gaelic Society of Inverness writes as follows:

 

The tune was claimed by Neil Gow, or by his son for him, and it is quite possible that the claim may be good one, for although the Gows were repeatedly convicted of plagiarism, I am not aware that any trace of this tune had been found elsewhere before the Gows published it.

 

The Gaelic words consists of an admonition to a squinting, lame lad to keep his sheep in his own side of the glen, and he is told that if one of his eyes is defective, the other is good enough to enable him to see that his sheep are straying.

 

Whether or not these lines have any reference to the advent of the Lowland shepherd and Cheviot sheep into the Highlands there is nothing to indicate, but this seems to me probable.

 

“’Ile chrùbaich anns a ghleann,

Till a nall na caoraich uile;

’Ille chrùbaich anns a’ ghleann,

Till a nall na caoraich.”

 

“Ged a tha do leth-shuil cam,

Chi thu leis an t-suil ud eile;

Ged a tha do leth-shuil cam,

Chi thu leis an t-aon suil.”

 

The version given by Mackintosh may be translated as follows:

 

Lame lad in the glen;

Come over with all the sheep,

Lame lad in the glen;

Come over with all the sheep,

 

Though you squint with one eye

You can see with the other one,

Though you squint with one eye

You can see with the other one.
 

References:

Andrew Mackintosh, ‘English and Gaelic Words to Strathspeys and Reels’, Transactions of the Gaelic Society of Inverness, vol. XXVIII (1912–14), p. 317

SSS NB 7, pp. 60–11

Image:

Stronaba / Sròn na Bà, Lochaber / Loch Abar

Mary Cameron and the Haggis

 Since a lot of haggis has recently been consumed celebrating Burns Night in Scotland and beyond, it may not seem that inappropriate to offer a humorous anecdote recorded by Calum Maclean from the recitation of John MacDonald on 8 January 1951 about the Scottish national dish:
 

Bha cailleach a’ fuireach ann a Sròn na Bà, ris an abradh iad Màiri Chamaran. Agas bha a bràthair agas bean a bràthar a’ tighinn a choimhead oirre aig a’ Nollaig. A féisd a b' fhearr a bha i a’ smaoineach’ gum beireadh i dhaibh, gur h-e taigeis a dhèanadh i. Bha i uamhasach fhéin goirid ’s an t-sealladh. Agas bha i a’ cur air dòigh is a’ gréidheadh na taigeis ’n uair a bha gillean a staigh. Bha a bràthair a’ dol a chur tuthag air a’ bhriogais agas putain. Agas dh’fhàg e air a’ bhòrd iad agas dh’fhal^abh e a dh’ iarraidh na briogais. ’N uair a chaidh e a dh’ iarraidh na briogais as an t-sealladh, chan fhac(hc)a na gillean dad a b’ fhearr na na clùdan a bha seo agas na putain a chur anns an stuth anns am bitheadh an taigeis. Sgròb Màiri a chuile rud a bh’ ann a staigh do’n taigeis agas chaidh siod a chur air an teine. ’N uair a thainig bean a bràthar an àirde aig a’ Nollaig, an ath-oidhche, bha an taigeis aig Màiri deas dhaibh agas i a’ smaoineach’ gun robh ròic(hc) ghasda aic(hc)e. A’ chiad rud a thainig a mach as an taigeis ’n uair a dh’ fhosgail Màiri i, ’s e na clùdan a bha seo agas na putain. Agas chuir i air an truinnsear aig bean a bràthar e. Cha do dh’ich bean a bràthar dad dheth.  

“O,” thuir^st ise, “nach i bha tàireil ’n uair nach do dh’ich i an taigeas mhath a bha sin. Cha ruigeadh i a leas a bhith cho s(t)raoineiseach. Tha mi cinnteach gur h-iomadh taigeis agas rud eile a chunnaic i, ach chan fhac(hc)a i riamh taigeis móran na b’ fhearr na sin.”
 

And the translation goes something like this but it has to be admitted that the humour – gentle though it is – probably doesn’t come across too well: 
 

There was an old woman in Stronaba called Mary Cameron. Her brother and sister-in-law were coming to see her at Christmas time. The best meal she could think of giving them was haggis. She was terribly short-sighted. She was arranging it and dressing the victuals of the haggis when some lads came in. Her brother was going to put a patch and buttons on his trousers. He left them on the table and went to fetch the trousers. When he was out of sight fetching the trousers, these lads saw nothing better than to put the patch and the buttons in the mixture which was to make the haggis. Mary scraped together everything and put it all into the haggis and it was then put on the fire. When her sister-in-law arrived at Christmas, the next night, Mary had the haggis ready and she thought she had prepared a great feast. The first thing that came out of the haggis was the patch and the buttons. She then placed this on her sister-in-law’s plate. Her sister-in-law didn’t even touch it.

“Oh,” she said, “isn’t it insulting that she never ate that tasty haggis. She needn’t be so peevish as I’m sure that she has seen many haggises and other things besides but she’s never seen a haggis much better than that.”

References:

SSS NB 7, pp. 590–91

Image:

Haggis / Taigeis